to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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