I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize