youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
