my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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