I think my vagina is haunted
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
