We won't sleep together?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
