He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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