He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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