I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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