You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
