Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
