is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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