Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
