You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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