I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
