I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
