Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
