He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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