It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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