What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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