..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Randomize
