oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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