somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my being single is dangerous.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
