The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
