Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
