apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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