Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
