We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Boobs are out for the taking
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
