I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if only i could text you this smell
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
