i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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