I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
