I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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