i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
