im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
