That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
