i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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