you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
