I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
