I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
