She is in my trunk
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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