so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
