So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
