so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
