Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
