he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
