I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
