That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And then my night got REAL pukey
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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