don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
