where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
