I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Farmville is her only friend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
