I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
