and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
