my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
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Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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