Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
