I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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