THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
