Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
