I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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