I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
