considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
