You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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