Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
