were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
