i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
