i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
