Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
