so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
