I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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