"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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