Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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