i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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