a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im six kinds of drunk right now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
