just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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