That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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