Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
