I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
