A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
