I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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