dude i'm inner monologue high
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
