I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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