I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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