It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
