I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
