are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize