come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you will always have a special place in my vag
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
