this boner is exhausting
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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