Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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